(Video)Feeling Frustrated or Stuck in Your Life? It's Time to Discover Your Why
Have you ever taken the time to stop and really think about why you pursue the things you do? We each have a driving force behind what we do. We are looking for a specific outcome or destination. We are looking to obtain fulfillment, to fill a void with something. But do we really know what our “Why” is and what gets us up in the morning?
As a coach, this is a topic that is imperative to understand when helping one to find their purpose. For some of you, you might have a pretty good idea of what your “Why” is and that’s great. For others, it may not be that clear or may have been distorted over time. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Here we go again. Tony is about to get all deep on us and blah, blah, blah.” If that’s you than by all means disregard this post. But if you’re aching to understand what your “Why” is and how to find it well then read on my friend!
First, let’s get a better understanding of what your “Why” is. Your “Why” is simply the motivating factors behind why you have chosen the lifestyle and line of work that you do. It defines who you are. It’s a calling on your life or the ultimate vision you have for your life. Here’s the thing though, many of us believe we know what our “Why” is but how do we really know it’s the right one for us? If you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself without a doubt that you feel happy and totally at peace doing what you do or living the lifestyle you have then congratulations! But how many of us who don’t feel that way are brave enough to sit and ponder the question; Am I truly happy where I am?
I thought I knew what my “Why” was for a long time. Because of low self-esteem, feeling like I needed to live up to societal standards and prove myself to others, my main driving force was money plain and simple. Money and possessions would make me a better person. It would give me bragging rights. It would give me the opportunity to say to those who didn’t believe in or rejected me, “I told you so.” And guess what? I ended up making quite a bit of money. Did it make me happy or feel fulfilled? Nope. It only left me wanting more. I had very little interest in the work I was doing. I became self-centered, bitter and greedy. It affected my relationships with family and co-workers.
I grew up listening to guys like Tony Robbins and Eric Thomas in hopes of fueling my own selfish needs. Difficult times led me to realize that I needed a mindset shift. Through self-help work, therapy, prayer and actively seeking my own purpose, it ultimately led to me being a life coach. My “Why” became giving instead of only taking. To be an influence and help others as well as myself. I’ll go more into detail as to how I discovered mine in another post but I can honestly say that I truly enjoy what I do.
“Live the Life of Your Dreams: Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.” -Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
I want to take a minute and give you a better understanding of some of the things that influence and often shape what we believe to be our “Why.”
Money – I asked a client what is the main reason he is looking to find his career. He told me that he wants to make good money. But here’s the thing, why do we really want money? We don’t want money in itself, we want to experience money. We are looking for a certain feeling or satisfaction when using money. There’s nothing wrong with that. Money can be the fruit that bears from your “Why.” However, it should not be your sole purpose or goal as it will never give lasting joy.
Caregivers & Outside Influences – Fear of not following in our parents footsteps or disappointing them. Some of us hear from our parents that we need to follow family tradition in their line of work. Never mind considering what you want to pursue. My father, for example, wanted me to get into construction and landscaping like him but I knew it wasn’t for me. Needless to say he wasn’t happy that I didn’t pursue the career. We also have teachers and friends that tell us what we should do or what we are good at. “You are good at this so you should….” or “I don’t see you doing this but you’d be great as a ….”
Society – There’s a lot of noise out there that tells you in order to be successful you have to get into this industry or start this business. We are told that successful people have large bank accounts and can boast about achievements. Again, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a healthy bank account as long as you’re doing something you truly enjoy and not solely to obtain money, status or to fit in.
Social Media – Platforms such as Instagram and Facebook are filled with people posting pics of their fabulous lifestyles. Some of it is real, some of it is not. There’s also plenty of advertisements and enticing photos of luxury that try to sell you into the dream of living it up. “Sign up now and join our workshop and this could be you!” Those that don’t know their “Why” can get sidetracked and think that this is what needs to be done to feel fulfilled or accomplished.
Circumstances- Many people never discover their “Why” because they allow their circumstances to dictate the direction they choose. “I just needed the money so I had to do this.” “I needed something that pays well and gives me financial security.” They then become comfortable where they are because it pays the bills and what they really want to pursue takes a back seat.
Your “Why” is the source of your motivation. It’s a vision of your life’s work where you feel that you are “being” and not simply “doing.” It’s not feeling miserable until you meet an end goal; it’s enjoying the entire journey leading to the endgame. If you feel stuck, frustrated or like you’re going through the motions in your life and career, chances are you are not living your “Why.” You might even be working to live up to someone else’s “Why.”
Here are a few things to consider when discovering YOUR “Why.” Keep in mind that discovery is not something that happens overnight and takes time.
Spirituality – one of the most important elements in seeking your purpose. Meditation and prayer is the recognition of a feeling or belief that there is something greater than self. It is the state of having a connection with God. The source of purpose.
Values – Discover what’s important to you, what defines you. These are your beliefs that guide your decisions and actions. Here’s a cool exercise I found on discovering your values.
Self-reflection – Take quiet time to sit and think about whom you are as a person and who you would like to be.
Interests – Consider the things that make YOU happy. Nothing forced. No feeling of obligation. Just pure enjoyment.
Passion – These are the things that give you a burning desire inside. Your passion fuels your soul and gives you intense enthusiasm. Take the Who Are You Meant to Be? Quiz
Check out these questions to really get the juices flowing in discovering your “Why.”
1. If you had unlimited resources and couldn’t fail, what would you love to do?
2. What do you want to build or create in your lifetime, just for the pure joy of it?
3. What are you most passionate about in life?
4. What type of legacy would you like to leave behind?
5. If you had a year to live, what would be most important for you to do and be in that timeframe?
6. What are some things you truly enjoyed as a kid that you may have forgotten?
7. What kind of contribution would you like to make to the world?
8. What problems in life get you emotionally driven to action?
Having a life coach is extremely beneficial in discovering your purpose. A great coach will help uncover limiting beliefs systems or thought processes that may be holding you back and explore all possibilities to achieving your goals. You partner with a coach in discovering your “Why” and creating a realistic plan to get you there. Having accountability in place and someone to champion you helps as well. I know because not only am I a coach but I hired my own coach! If you need additional help in discovering your “Why” feel free to reach out for a free session discovery session.
Remember, this is YOUR “Why” and it’s something that moves you personally. In order to find it, you cannot care about what others think. We also tend to get comfortable in our current circumstances even if we are not truly happy simply because it’s familiar. It’s what we know at the moment. Taking action to discover your “Why” is certainly not for the faint of heart. It’s challenging and takes bravery and going against the status quo but trust me, in the end it’s so worth it. After all, we all seek that one common goal: to be happy and to be fulfilled.
