This is Exactly What You Need Right Now

Now more than ever it’s important for us to take time out for ourselves. With so many changes and everything that’s happening in the world today it’s easy for us to get lost in the daily routine and stress that life can sometimes bring. I mean, think about it for a moment. We juggle so many things on a daily basis. When do we take time for ourselves?

Since COVID-19 and the pandemic, many of us nowadays struggle to create a work life balance because we have to work from home and do home schooling with our children. On top of that, we’re trying to figure out when to take care of all of the other things that demand our time such as cooking, cleaning, paying bills, spending quality time with our children and spouses and taking the car in for an oil change and tune up. We wear all of these different hats and at the same time we are on edge about the future of the economy, social injustice, hearing about people losing their lives because of natural disasters and the latest number of new cases of people infected by the virus. It’s enough to make you crazy!

We can easily lose touch of who we are. We give so many bits and pieces of ourselves to others that we have no time to work on us. We have no time to acknowledge how we feel and to be aware of our emotions. We often tell ourselves that there’s no time to cry, no time to reflect, no time to pause because there’s people that depend on us. Our children need our love and support, our spouses need support and quality time, our employer needs us to be focused on work and getting the job done, our friends need our help in listening to their frustrations and challenges and offering support.

If you stop and think about all of the time and energy you give to others and all of the challenges and task handled on a daily basis, you are basically a real life super hero! But even superheroes need time to process. They need time to heal. They need time to help and work on themselves. You’re no good to anyone if you’re exhausted and completely burnt out. Unfortunately, many of us don’t look at it that way. We see taking time for ourselves as being selfish. We look at taking the time to do something we enjoy, even something as simple as reading a book, as time wasted that could have been used to do something of more importance or “urgency.” Taking time for self is of the least importance in our minds and is put on the back burner. The problem is how long can we function that way without there being some dire consequence?

As a coach, I often discover how much of an impact not taking time for self and finding a life balance has on clients. I hear things such as, “I don’t have time to think about me,” or “I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.” This is a dangerous place to be in. It can only result in feelings of burnout and exhaustion, anger, resentment, confusion and even depression. Needless to say, having clients re-frame certain thoughts or views that are not beneficial to them and discovering other possibilities or alternatives is crucial. So how do we get to this place? Where do we get the idea that taking time for self and thinking about what makes us happy is utterly selfish? There are many possible reasons, but based on what I have discovered with clients, here are a few:

We convince ourselves that taking time for ourselves is a luxury and not a necessity

I have been told by clients that they cannot afford to take time out for themselves. Between work, taking care of the kids, spending time with their partner, household chores and everything else in between, they look at taking time out as a luxury. I help them look at it differently. If they don’t take time for themselves then they become burnt out which can ultimately effect relationships, quality of work, health and overall level of happiness. Helping them see it this way reveals that taking time for self is just as or more important than everything else. If you’re not good to yourself first, you’re no good to anyone else.

Our parents taught us not to be selfish

How many times have our parents taught us not to be selfish? Take the time to mop up that muddy floor, sit quietly while I’m on the phone, and share your toys with your brothers and sisters. Don’t get me wrong; teaching your children to be selfless is very necessary and important for their personal development. However, the issue comes in when we distort our view of what is considered selfish as we get older. Maybe growing up, you were in a position to take on more responsibility than the average child due to certain circumstances. It’s easy to carry on with the mentality that doing anything besides being there for others is wrong.

We tell ourselves we don’t deserve it or I’ll take time for myself when…

I’ve heard people tell me that they don’t deserve to take time for themselves because they didn’t achieve a certain goal or they blame themselves for their current circumstances and feel they need to “fix” things before they can think about self. Taking time for self then becomes conditional. “I’ll worry about time for myself when I get that promotion.” “I’ll take a break once I figure out how to create more income.” “I’ll take a break once the bills are caught up and this and that is taken care of.” And on it goes.

Here are a few things to think about when considering taking time for you:

1.     Remember that before you had kids, a spouse, an employer, friends and everyone in between demanding your time, there was only you. You came into this world alone. It’s easy for us to lose who we are as individuals because we give so much of ourselves to others. Think of it this way; making time for yourself will help you to be the best you can be. That high, positive level of energy you receive will be reflected in your relationships and how you function throughout the day.

2.    Taking time for self is not a luxury or option, it’s a crucial necessity! As mentioned earlier, not taking time to focus on you will ultimately lead to emotional and health problems. You’d be surprised how taking a few moments to relax or do something you enjoy will improve your mood, allow you to better solve problems and react to situations in a healthy way.

3.    Taking time to reflect and think about what it is you really want for your life will help you to discover or even re-discover your life purpose. It can give you the opportunity to find out who you really are, what your values are, what you enjoy and ultimately who you want to be and how you show up in life.

4.    There’s always time for you. Even if it’s 30 minutes or 1 hour a day, that time can go a long way. Commit to taking time for yourself and put it in your calendar. Set a reminder every day. Read, meditate, listen to music, practice yoga, re-visit favorite pastimes or just sit and be aware of how you’re feeling at that time and get in touch with you. When you think of putting it off for more “important things,” remember how crucial it is to your health to take the time.

The bottom line is that it is not selfish to take time for you. It’s time you get back in touch with or discover who you really are. This is one of the keys to maintaining a healthy life balance. It will not only help you, but it will benefit others as well. Another reason why it’s not selfish at all! Just remember that you’re taking on many responsibilities and nowadays it feels like all we ever do is run, run, run. You absolutely deserve to focus on you so go for it.